I wasn’t kidding about needing a break from the darkness. I am a social worker and sometimes the sheer capacity of people willingly and purposefully trying to bring harm to each other–it’s immeasurable. I see dark things on a regular basis. Compounding that, is my desire to keep up with the local, national, and international news. I make a conscious effort to only read it for a few days a week and during specific timeframes (i.e. never right before bed).
I keep reading about boats full of people sinking into the ocean or commuter planes being shot out of the sky,the multiple wars raging around the world, RIGHT NOW. The fact that slavery (sexual trafficking) is the highest it’s ever been and it is _everywhere_. And a THOUSAND other things that happen in our country and beyond— it’s all just more evidence of not learning from the mistakes humanity makes over and over in a disturbing play of the worst Groundhogs Day, EVER.
We just keep repeating the cycle.
I want to change that. I absolutely believe that it is possible. The greatest enemy is ourselves. We don’t accept ourselves and will tear ourselves down when we fail or are unsure. “You should be stronger than this,” I sometimes think. I did transfer my sad mood to others-not on purpose. By me not being centered and grounded in who I was and wanted to be, this caused me some turmoil and a discomfort, I couldn’t shake. I felt uneasy for a while, which is probably why I looked so miserable in my first career. If I can work on me, just being me and living life in a purposeful way to help our situation, I will. But I feel no shame in taking a breath to celebrate the beauty, after the hours of air wasted talking about all the disasters, natural or otherwise.
Figure out your strengths and work on the weaknesses–till they are strengths too. I don’t mean be perfect. I mean, find a way for a perceived weakness to be actually helpful.
But more than this, I have my own personal dramas and struggles, successes, and crushing failures to contend with.
Then there is me–how do I feel? How will I manage everything? Will I make the “right” decision if I can ever figure out what it is supposed to be?
The podcast isn’t over, because of all the things I mentioned. Yes, racism is terrible, but so are a lot of other things and I want to focus of fixing this problem holistically (i.e. All at once instead of in pieces-ex. Lets work to combat racism, ok, now lets work to combat homophobia, etc.). I want to try to address all these issues at once-because I believe the ideas are all formed with the same root. I am better than you because…. Or you are less than because…–but both ideas stem from building oneself up by knocking someone else down.
The truly strong have a far better (and more secure) foundation than that. Isn’t it better that we are all strong instead of one person trying to hold up or keep down another–sounds tiring, no?
I need to keep searching and finding ways to keep the peace in my life, everyday-moment to moment.